I want to ride my bicycleee, I want to ride my biike.

Greetings! I'm in a right jolly old mood today. Whether this is due to the chocolate cookies waiting eagerly for me downstairs, or simply the fact that finally the clouds seem to have stopped looming so menacingly [it's July for god's sake; why does rain even exist right now?!] I'm not sure. I do know however that since deciding, somewhat begrudgingly, that this summer was going to be an active, all-singing, all-dancing one I've definitely been feeling a lot brighter.

Now, first let me clarify my sheer hatred of exercise. From the age of about five, when school decided to introduce us to the atrocity that was 'Sports Day' and encouraged us to embark on numerous 'team activities', the very mention of the word running has been enough to make me cry. Take year 8 for example, when our P.E. teacher made us run around a track for 12 minutes. Oh there were tears. There were gasps, stitches and tears. Or perhaps way back in year 6 when I was forced to join the Netball team by a particularly imposing tutor. For some reason long legs are seen as synonymous with athletic success. I mean, it makes sense of course - bigger strides for running, longer jumps in, well...long jump and taller reaches in Netball. Sadly, for me my height was more synonymous with downright athletic failure. "Long jump?! You could take on step and beat everyone!" HAHAHAHAHAHA. No."Netball?! You can practically drop it in the net!", yeah sure! If my hand-eye co-ordination had maybe developed a little since I was a foetus. Anyway, dramatic analogies aside, for me it's always been an unfortunate case of want to, but can't......who am I kidding? I love having an excuse not to exercise. Legitimate or not. But recently I've tried to rectify my exercise aversion and I must say I'm definitely enjoying it. The fact that biking isn't a team sport is always a good start for me; that girl who always fell flat on her face in football? Or ran with the ball in Netball? Yea, that was me. You can see why I hate teams...or rather why they hate me. So yes, biking/swimming/running would be my activities of choice. Whittling it down to the old bicycle wasn't exactly hard: swimming costume? HA. Showing off my Pheobe-style running skills? Nah thanks. Biking it is. As wonderful as I'm feeling though for finally peeling my bum from the sofa after about 15 years, and as much as I'd encourage you all to get out in the fresh air and feeeel those endorphines, there are a feeeew downsides to outdoor excercise which I'll share with you now...

Why can't I look this graceful?!
1) The Midges.
Wasps. Bees. Mosquitoes. They ain't got nothing on these little blighters. Seriously, I don't care if you're going out at 3 in the morning, wear a pair of sunglasses and for the love of God keep your mouth closed. Midges don't make the tastiest of breakfasts.

2) The Gear
Oh God. Oh God. It's time to pull on those cropped joggers and that baggy t-shirt. Y'know, the one that's ten sizes too big, fraying and stubbornly stained...in other words, perfect for exercise. Just make sure you go out at obscure times [safety first though kids] i.e. not at 9pm on a Saturday night when your mates are heading out for the evening. Luckily, I've not been recognised yet although that might have something to do with the fake moustache and flat cap...

3) The Sweat
Great. I've finally adjusted to the warmer [or not] season and am just about coping warmth-wise when I decide it's a good idea to engage in physical activity. Outdoors. In the sun. Lovely jubbly. Gory details aren't necessary here; I'm sure you get the picture but yes, deodorant is your friend.

4) The Willpower
As much as I'm thrilled to finally be doing my body some good, finding the willpower to kick it into action is more than a little difficult. I like to think of myself as a fairly strong-willed person; if something needs doing I'll do it [tidying not included] but when it comes to exercise I'm far too easily distracted. In fact no, it's less a case of distraction and more a case of a 'hmm. let's see what we can actively seek out to avoid doing any excercise shall we'. Y'see, I'm still not over the whole EXERCISE-IS-BAD thing, and still expect jeers and laughter as I begin my cycling escapade but hey...all in good time my friends.
This is worryingly familiar.

5) The Wall
I feel somewhat guilty using this term because it's usually associated with hardcore sporting events. I'm talking marathons, triathlons etc etc. I mean, if I'm hitting 'the wall' 10 minutes into a measly gear 4 bike ride I reckon the starting line of the marathon would just about be my hardcore equivalent. Anyway, no matter what exercise you choose to do, no matter what level you're at, there comes a brief but oh-so painful period when you begin to dwindle. Rather than letting your mind wander onto other thoughts, all you can think is 'exercise. exercise. exercise' and trust me, thinking about excercise whilst doing it is about ten times as exhausting as the latter. Thankfully, the wall crumbles eventually and you'll wonder why the hell you were being such a wimp. It all seems easier, you feel freer and you're finally enjoying that wonderful feeling of.....PFFFFTTTTTTTBLERGH. Midges for tea anyone?

Anyone else exercising this summer? I fear I may be the only one stupid enough :)
Laters Alligators


Leia said...

I hate exercise, too! But I started jogging this summer. I can now go from feeling like death after 2 minutes to jogging 27 minutes at a stretch, and about 4 km at a go. I know that's not loads, but for me it's an incredible achievement!

Leia's Delights

Maria Fallon said...

Wow- Bravo! Running is the one thing I can't stand...or physically do for that matter. Exercise def makes me feel better though :)


A'n'G Johnson said...

I LOVE to exercise, but my problem lies in the appropriate moderation. Since I have chronic illnesses I can't be hardcore. If I can't be hardcore, well then, I tend to do nothing... so I've been sitting on my ass for years and look very much like the prints in those frames!
But this post made me realize, I need to get out. I need to do something! Thanks for that

Sophie Bryce said...

I can't even explain how much a laughed throughout this blogpost. So funny.
I've just bought a bike and I'm going to try and go on it for at least half an hour a day (except on Sundays, when the agnostic in me has the day off, ha).
ARRGGHHH, EXERCISE!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maria Fallon said...

PHEONIX - I'm glad this inspired you to get a-moving! Even if it's just a quick walk outside; the fresh air really does do you wonders

SOPHIE- I'm proud. So proud. We can be like cute little bike twins...or not. Anway- Sunday is DEFINITELY not one for exercise...day of rest and all that :)


Sherin said...

Haha, loved this! I used to exercise loads, but I'm just lazy now. I literally have no will power. I was supposed to start jogging from Monday morning...but then I had to watch last night's 'Hills', which lets face it: is way more important.

Maria Fallon said...

Sherin: if i ever find the source of willpower i'll bottle it and sell it - make a fortune!
Haven't got into the hills but am definitely loving The City atm...guilty pleasure!

frockandrollonline.com said...

Embarrassing confession: I have absolutely NO idea how to ride a bike but have always wanted to learn!

These pictures are gorgeous and can I just say how much I LOVED the fact that you used lyrics from a Queen song as the title of your post?! :D